Home for Christmas

It is early Christmas morning and all are still asleep. The light is soft and there is only the faint sound of wings fluttering, rejoicing the gift to the world, in the form of Mary's baby. Oh, how her heart must have felt that day! Every Mother knows that feeling... and no one can tell you how you will feel until it is your moment. The nurse places that child in your arms and you are complete.  You wonder at this miracle that God picked just for you and you question if you can be trusted with the responsibility.  I recall asking God about His decision, at that moment. What on Earth, did I know about any of this?  I was so scared and humbled at the task before me.  The nurse puts you in your car and you go home a family, ready or not.  I believe in Divine intervention.  Those two children in this picture are the result of God's ever lasting love. They are my special gift, and I am somehow deserving of these precious spirits.  Perhaps, they are "Angels unaware" sent to watch over me, instead of the other way around.  I am a blessed woman!

Expectations

This is the Season of Expectations. We are all waiting for something. We wait for the season to start and once it gets too hectic, for it to be over. Children expect Santa to bring them the items on their list on Christmas morning. Parents expect their children to dance with joy and love their gifts. The merchants expect this seasons profits to keep them solvent  for the months to come.  Mothers expect Hallmark moments around the family gathering dinner table with picture perfect food and design.  We all have expectations of just how this season should play out.... the best ever, perfect, appreciated, loved, and paid for.  I loath expectations, personally. I have been know for avoiding people and the expectations that relationships bring. Even friendships are a little treacherous for me.  I fear I will not be able to live up to other's expectations or demands and somehow let them down.  This season brings people and relatives a little too close for my comfort level.  I wonder if Mary needed some personal space and quiet time away from angels singing, shepherds standing around, and foreign men bringing gifts, that she had no idea what to do with?

Where Artists Go

This is a copy of a photo that Kate did for the opening of the IWU gallery. It was the first piece the gallery sold.  She has a name for it, which I can't recall.  I think it should be labeled "Leap of Faith".  It also reflects the place where artists live... in between. It is a place of neither here nor there, then or now. It is a peaceful place of "1/2 way" where the mind can relax, to listen and create, to let what needs to, come out. When my children were little, and I was the last to come upstairs to bed, I would love to sit on the stairs, just 1/2 way up.... thinking of the day. It was a place of nowhere.... a place of the moment. Our cat would sit with me, waiting.... in the "in between'".

Aunt Stella giving Anesthesia

Really... this is my Great Aunt Stella.

Why aren't they smiling?

My Mother is one of 11 children. She is the girl standing next to her Father, to his left. She is not smiling. Not many are smiling in this photo. The story behind this picture contains a dark secret that no one wants to talk about.  My Mother saw something, that happened to a child who is not in this picture.  He has no grave marker, nor record of his death.  It is like he vanished. 

Family Not Included

Kate Collins Photography

The Wildcat Creek

 Childhood swimming and ice skating creek.

Winter Reflection

This beloved photo was shot by a dear friend of Kate, back in their college days. Please view his epic work @www.dscottclarkphoto.com.  Aside from being brilliant, Scott captured Kate in her element with this photo.  She loves Winter and she loves snow.  This is a beautiful glimpse of her in her Winter world. Kate has always appreciated the colors of Winter time. Stark white, grays, blues, and black are seen in it's unique light that Winter reveals. She sees the elegance of the trees contrasted against the shadows and sky. Most people distain this time of year. It seems purposeless and dismal at best. The cold brings a slowing to life and we all settle into a time of dormancy. I think it is a great time for needed rest, whether we want it or not. The cold reminds us of life's circle... at least here in the Midwest. If we could all approach Winter like Kate, we might accept and maybe even embrace it's special gifts. 

Travel Nursing

"You have to leave the city of your comfort and go into the wilderness of your intuition. What you will find will be wonderful... What you'll discover will be yourself!"  Alan Alda




     A career goal of mine was to try Travel Nursing. Could I do it? Did I know enough to " hit the floor running" as they expect you to do in this unique specialty? When the opportunity was right, I challenged myself to drive across the country to California, accepting a travel position at the prestigious Cedar Sinai Surgery Center in West Hollywood. The contract was for 20 weeks. I loved the experience so much I stayed for 8 months. I met amazing fellow nurses,staff and patients. As a Travel Nurse, you need the armor of experience, resilience, and confidence. I knew I had the experience but learned the resilience as part of the process. The confidence was the gift I gained from taking the risk. I came away a better woman and especially a better nurse.

The girl we all wanted to be.

This is a rare picture of a girl who considered Nursing for a career. It would have been a safe road. A very acceptable and a worthy vocation. But one's destiny can change when we listen to that spirit within. It can start as a faint voice, that grows louder, and if we are lucky, the voice becomes so deafening.... we would be willing to risk dying than to ignore it. This girl listened and risked the ultimate.  She became the heroine that we all wanted to be. She pushed the doors open for the rest of us who were left on the ground.  She didn't settle for Nursing, like I did. She defied the odds and dared to go where it wasn't safe.  She never returned. The rest of us held on to our kite strings, wondering and listening for our inner voice.

Do Hula girls need resumes?

I've always had a fascination with the Hula girl. She is everything I am not. She represents the exotic and carefree. She can be innocent yet alluring. She rolls out of her grass hut looking perfect without makeup and never needs a flat iron. The sand is her exfoliator, the coconut her moisturizer, and the island flowers her perfume. She never seems rushed or worried. She must be happy with her life, since we always see her dancing. She smiles and tells stories with her hands. She doesn't need a cell phone or IPod. She is not a slave to fashion and probably has men chasing her 24/7 willing to do her bidding! The only conflict of the Hula girl job is the possibility of being cast into a volcano to appease the Gods. Otherwise, it seems like a sweet gig.

Pain Scale

Nurses love and hate this sign.  It is a wonderful tool that can make "what to do next " fairly easy.  If the smile turns to a frown ....  fix it, give the drug, plump the pillow, done deal.  But sometimes, you can never can fix it. Thats when nurses hate this sign. It stares at us, reminding us that we failed. Nurses take failure so much harder than Doctors do. ( Sorry Docs.) We don't get lessons or classes in failure.  It is not what we are wired to do..... we are care givers, comforters, pain easers and yes, angels of mercy. We are driven to fix that scale.

Beyond his years

This is my camera boy. He sees things differently than most of us. He works long hours, in the competitive world of cinema. It is not glamorous as most would think. It takes networking, skill and above all a great work ethic. It can take years to "make it" or at least feel comfortable with your income, which can be as fickle as" the next big thing". This boy has always had his vision and perhaps is on the "vision quest" of his life. His path is all his own. He builds it daily even when he is not on a set. His brain never stops. He watches, learns, keeps, and discards. He sees everything as a visual tool. He can no longer go to a movie just to enjoy it. He knows what we don't know.... how it was shot, lighted, edited, animated, and juiced. I love him so and can no longer advise him. He is way over my head.

Angel who carries things

Mission

This photo was shot by the talented and accomplished Tamara Reynolds of Nashville, Tn. It was a gift to me from Tamara who mentored Kate as they worked on various projects during Kate's time in Nashville. Kate is fortunate to have worked with her and also call her friend. This picture captures the essence of Kate's beauty and spirit. She carries the weight of others on her. She attracts strays and sometimes the emotionally "toxic". Perhaps that is her calling or mission. I struggle with that. 
Did Mother Mary sit Jesus down for a "heart to heart" warning Him to avoid the leeches who will leave Him, knife Him, drain Him, break His heart and maybe even kill Him? I wonder?  This girl is embarking on a new mission. She is now a founding Board member of Inside/Out Global, a non profit,organization that embraces the "at risk" youth of the world. These children are encouraged to tell their story through film and art in a supportive, faith based environment. She will carry them on her shoulders and in her heart. She has the sweet spirit of an Angel. It is her special gift from God. Like Mary,I wonder and I will try to not worry about all she encounters on her path.

My next patient.

The feet on the right belong to the most beautiful feet in the world! He should have been a foot model. His hands are gorgeous too. His knees are not so fortunate. The right one is being replaced this Tues. The left later in Mar. 2011. I am not a good nurse when my husband ( on the right) is sick. I am impatient and expect him to know what I know. Flo Nightingale would be ashamed of me. I am not Mother Teresa either. But I will do my upmost to be everything I should be because I love this man beyond words. He picked a great surgeon and I picked my favorite anesthesiologist and PACU nurse. My dearest and lifelong friend directs the Ortho floor that he will stay on after the surgery. So what can go wrong? As a veteran nurse I know the answer to that.... I won't be his nurse. Heaven help the staff who has to deal with me. Seriously! I will try to be brave and keep my acid dripping tongue in my mouth!

The Journey

My life has been an ascension towards home. I have had the help and prayers of many past and present, who have taught me to let go of the weights that hold one down.  I can't express how grateful I am to those who have been a part of this journey. I am especially thankful for the Angels that God sent to raise me. They have always been there to lift me over, stop me, turn me around, and push me through the obstacles... making me more weightless and guiding me home.